


Rebirth

by DuchessofEverything



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Children of Earth Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:50:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3743125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DuchessofEverything/pseuds/DuchessofEverything
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto's gone, Jack's moved on but he isn't having a good day today. Alonso can see he's struggling. Is it finally time for Alonso to tell Jack his long-held secret?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rebirth

It wasn’t as though the day that changed his world was different. The vibrant red sun rose in what old Earth had called east. The sky was a clear royal blue sporadically interrupted by the occasional fluffy, white cloud, so reminiscent of old Earth. It was in part why Jack had chosen this planet, Valdara, to settle on. The region he’d chosen was often overcast, often bore a sky heavy-laden with dark pink clouds pregnant with rain. The rain fell frequently and lent the place a dreary, sullen and waterlogged atmosphere that could be excused for its depressive impact on people unaccustomed to the climate. 

The similarities could only be considered coincidental to a degree. The differences to old Earth, specifically Cardiff, Wales, old Earth, were slight, but Jack allowed them to distract him during short moments of the day. At small intervals he could glance at the unnaturally dark sky with its ruddy sun and convince himself he hadn’t chosen this place for its similarities. He could try and convince himself for a few moments that he was running away from memories. But then another shower would start and the differences, superficial at best, would be washed away and the sorrow in his heart would thunder as deeply and consistent as his heartbeat. 

It wasn’t as though there was anything significant about the day that changed his world. He woke up next to the still-sleeping Alonso and glanced his way only briefly as he pulled the cover up to Alonso’s shoulders and turned away to start his day. He’d worked the evening shift on the day cruise to Valdara’s most popular tourist pleasure destination, Zenia, so he was still fast asleep and probably would be for a few hours yet. Alonso’s face in sleep was so young, so innocent; Jack couldn’t bear it today. Not today. Today was going to be a bad day, he could tell. The monotonous day stretched out like an eternity before him and the feeling of predictability, so often a calming prospect, threatened to suffocate him today.

Jack headed to the kitchen, preparing a cup of tea and leaving it to steep as he headed for the shower. Brisk, business-like and almost brutal, Jack allowed himself to enjoy the shower as little as humanly possible. He didn’t deserve such luxuries. He didn’t deserve tenderness. He could hear his voice in his head begging him to be gentle, to be kind to himself. Jack pushed the voice away. He could see his eyes pleading with him, sorrow-filled and brimming with something Jack still, to this day, could barely acknowledge. Yep, it was definitely going to be a bad day. 

Towelling off, dressing and heading back to the kitchen, Jack picked up his now too bitter, too strong, too luke-warm tea and drank it down fast. Wrapping an uncomfortable and ugly scarf around his neck just this side of too tight, he headed out without a backward glance. A single look over his shoulder would have revealed Alonso watching after him with sleep-tousled hair and a look of chagrined concern etched on his face. 

From the brief glances he’d caught of Jack’s face, from his posture, his walk and the behaviour he had observed, Alonso could tell. Today was shaping up to be a particularly low day. The observation of a number of months was enough to tell Alonso that the bad days were becoming more frequent, and slowly they were beginning to outnumber the good. That didn’t speak to him of recovery. Alonso for the hundredth time wished for a manual or a crystal ball. Not all the time he’d spent with Jack could tell him how he would react if Alonso told him his secret today. He could be forgiven for wishing to know if there was a right way of sharing the secret that guaranteed Jack’s good reaction. The pressure to tell him increased as he observed Jack sinking into greater and greater despair and grief. None of the other times had been this bad. Alonso wondered what, exactly, had been so different this time.

Jack walked the usual route towards his work. The endless tinkering with engines as he plied his mechanic trade didn’t hold the usual glimmer of excitement, or even earn a rating of minimal interest for him today. Jack was good with his hands (and didn’t it just speak to the depth of his depression that his mental phrasing didn’t even garner the slightest chuckle), but today it just seemed too hard, too mundane, too familiar and too different all at once. At the last corner Jack deviated to the left rather than the usual right turn. He let his feet carry him and did his best to keep his thoughts blank. 

It never worked. Blank thoughts led to blank expressions and all the blank, servile faces that he wore in the early days, and how much Jack had hated those blank expressions. That led him to remember how it felt the first time he’d managed to earn a surprised laugh, and how it felt the first time he saw the unguarded pleasure or even deep, genuine, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching sorrow. With no concept of the length of time that had passed, and no idea where he’d expected to be, Jack looked up when his feet had run out of ground to tread and was less than surprised that it he had arrived here. Standing right in this place, staring in this direction, one could be forgiven for thinking they were on old Earth. More specifically, one could be forgiven for mistaking this exact spot for the barrier right on the edge of the Plass, overlooking the Bay in Cardiff, Wales, old Earth. Jack came here often to think. Countless tears had he shed in this very spot, and no doubt more tears would be shed in the future. As long as he lived in this region of Valdara, then he would come to this spot to think.  
So lost in wallowing was he that the gentle hand placed on his shoulder took him completely by surprise. 

“I had a feeling I might find you here,” Alonso whispered, so softly that the gentle breeze off the water threatened to carry his words away. 

“What are you doing here?” Jack asked, perhaps more brusquely than he’d intended.

“You didn’t stop in to say goodbye. I guessed today might be a bad day,” his still soft tone rankled on Jack’s raw nerves. He didn’t deserve the gentleness, didn’t deserve the caring tone.

“Do you want me to apologise?”

“No, of course not, Jack. I just want you to let me help you. I want you to let me be there for you,” Alonso kept his tone light, wary of upsetting his fragile lover further.  
“You shouldn’t stick around. You shouldn’t want to help me. I’m no good for you. I’m bad company today.” Jack tried to shrug Alonso’s hand from his shoulder where it still rested, a warm, comforting and almost familiar touch he didn’t want to allow himself to enjoy. Not today. 

Alonso’s patience began to wane. They’d been over this same conversation so many times, he was heartily sick of hearing it. “I may not have as much life experience as you, I may be younger than you are and look younger than my own age, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am an adult and I don’t need you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t feel, or what I should and shouldn’t want! I’m not a child, Jack!” 

“I know you’re not a child. I just don’t know why you stick around. I’m a miserable old man, and you should want better than me.” Jack sounded tired. Alonso’s ire deflated as quickly as it had arisen.

“You can treat me badly, you can not return my affections, you can ignore me, you can do whatever you want to me. That won’t ever change the fact that I. Love. You. And no matter what you do, I’m going to be here for you, whether you want me or not.”

“God, Ianto, do you have no self-respect?” Jack turned swiftly to face Alonso and practically shouted at him. How could he let himself be used and mistreated like that? 

“Alonso.”

“What?” Jack was thrown off-guard by the quiet speaking of his name. 

“Alonso. My name, it’s not Ianto. You called me Ianto. Not the first time. You’ve even called me Ianto when we were… you know. I know you cared deeply for him, so I don’t hold it against you. I’d help you grieve, if you’d let me.” 

“You’re telling me I’ve called you…. Someone else’s name during sex and you’ve never bothered to pull me up?” The corner of Jack’s mouth tilted up a little. It always made him smile when he saw how hesitant Alonso was to talk openly about anything intimate.

“Not the worst I’ve been called, Sir.” As soon as the familiar moniker left his lips, Alonso knew he’d made a mistake. Momentarily Alonso prayed to any deity listening that Jack would somehow miss the slip.

Jack turned a piercing gaze on Alonso, and spoke, “What did you call me?” Of course Jack didn’t miss it. Jack never missed anything. Alonso knew this.

“I… I called you, ‘Sir,’ Jack. Don’t you remember how you introduced yourself to me all those months ago? You said you were a Captain. I thought it might be fun to try it out. Don’t you like it, Jack?” Alonso knew his fumbling excuses were weak at best. He saw the piercing gaze turn calculating and knew he was in trouble. A last ditch effort to distract, Alonso said, “I thought we might try some role play. You know, I could wear my uniform from work, you could order me about?”

Alonso watched as Jack’s calculating glare turned to that of a predator caging his prey. Perhaps he’d miscalculated and a proposition was not a wise choice. 

“Sure, Babe. Let’s go home and see what happens, hey?” The light in Jack’s eyes, to a lesser acquaintance could have been mistaken for excitement at the prospect of a romp in the sack. Alonso, so familiar with those eyes that he could read them at a glance, saw the excitement of a challenge, the excitement of a hunter preparing to spring a trap.

Alonso was most definitely in trouble. 

As Jack pulled Alonso’s hand through the crook of his arm and led him towards home, Alonso asked, “Want to take the car home? Only I drove here, and I’d hate to have to walk back and get it later.” He tried for a casual, slightly jovial tone. He wondered whether Jack was buying this nonchalance.

“Great idea. Can I drive? It’s been a while since I drove.” Jack’s equally light tone was perhaps as unconvincing to Alonso as his had been to Jack. There was the essence of a wound coil ready to spring underlying his every word. 

“Well, only if you promise to get us home safely. I prefer my lover alive, if you could manage it.”

Jack pulled Alonso to him to kiss him fiercely, ostensibly to distract him as his hands felt the outside of Alonso’s pants pockets for the key. Alonso took some small measure of satisfaction from pulling away first and dangling the keys in front of Jack’s eyes with a smirk on his face. ‘I’m onto your game,’ was the unspoken exchange as Jack pulled the keys from unresisting fingers. 

Jack winked at him once, opened the door for him like a gentleman escorting his date, but shut it with a sense of finality that sent a shiver down Alonso’s spine. Jack’s message, ‘Don’t try to escape,’ was received, loud and clear. 

The car journey home was made in silence. Alonso, for whatever reason feeling the need to play a dangerous game, rested his hand warm against Jack’s knee, and travelled slowly up his thigh, then back down again, each time travelling a little higher, growing slightly closer to Jack’s groin. Alonso grinned unrepentantly, knowing Jack couldn’t really see it with his eyes on the traffic. The low growl in Jack’s throat just made Alonso grin more, and grow bolder in his movements. By the time they reached the front of their building, Alonso’s fingers were brushing an impressive bulge in the front of his lover’s pants. 

“Either you’ve suddenly developed a taste for public sex, Babe, or you’re playing a very dangerous game. Not sure which it is, but we’ve arrived, so you should probably stop now.” Jack would deny forever that there was even the slightest tremor in his voice. 

“Whatever you say, Captain.” Alonso waited till Jack looked over again and winked at him. Perhaps he could salvage this mess after all. 

“Come on, then, sailor. You and I have an appointment upstairs. I’ve got plans for you.”  
Just as quickly, his newfound glimmer of hope was extinguished. Alonso knew that tone. Jack was pretending to be distracted. He could be very focussed when he wanted. With Jack, suspicion was easily garnered, but erased with difficulty. Alonso took in a deep breath as Jack exited the car. He had no idea what he was in for but given what he knew of Jack, it would not be boring and it would not be short. 

Jack waited for Alonso to walk around the car, held his hand fast and walked purposefully away from the stairs that led to their apartments. Alonso knew Jack was deliberate in his choice of the travel pad to reach their level. Jack knew how uncomfortable he was with the travel pad, and was determined to unbalance him in every way possible. Knowing didn’t immediately erase his fears. There were always certain fears and personality traits that came across each time and, despite wishing he could leave it behind, Alonso’s fear of heights hadn’t diminished. But really, would it kill the builders to design a travel pad with glass casing, rather than using an invisible force field?

Alonso gripped Jack’s arm ferociously, unconscious of the recollections of similar occurrences Jack was reliving of his time with Ianto. Ianto had hated the invisible lift with a passion. Jack used it often when he wanted Ianto close. It never failed to earn some extra hugs and, though he’d never admit it, Jack loved being Ianto’s hero, his strong protector. Come to think of it, Angelo had been scared of heights as well. So had Matthew, who had come before Angelo. Though Jack’s mind was working a couple dozen miles a minute, none of the thoughts showed on his face. 

They reached the top and Alonso let go of Jack’s arm. They headed to the door of their room and Jack unlocked the door. He grabbed hold of Alonso’s arm, half dragging him into the apartment and, shutting the door, pressed Alonso up against the closed door, crushing their lips together. Taking off his scarf and coat, Jack’s mouth never left Alonso’s for a moment. He removed Alonso’s scarf, pulled him away from the door slightly and pulled roughly at his coat. Mouths still attached, Jack led Alonso backwards down the hall to the room they shared, slipping buttons through holes, arms through sleeves, dropping shirts, belts and anything easily removed as they went. They arrived at the side of the bed and Jack turned to push Alonso down onto the mattress. He made quick work of Alonso’s trousers but, Alonso dimly noticed, left his own tightly fastened. Alonso lifted himself up to unfasten Jack’s trousers and Jack pushed him back down. In that moment, all the awareness of the precarious precipice he now trod flooded back and Alonso couldn’t help but shudder just a little. 

“You cold, lover?” Jack asked, a slight tone of mocking in his voice. 

“N-no, that is, well… No. Not cold.”

“Are you scared of me, Alonso?” Jack asked, tone very carefully neutral, Alonso noticed.

“Should I be, Jack?”

“Someone once told me, it’s rude to answer a question with a question. Are you scared of me, Alonso?” Jack repeated the question. The reference to one of Ianto’s many grammatical rules was a low blow, as far as Alonso was concerned.

“No, Jack. I’m not scared of you. I trust you,” Alonso replied with far more certainty than he felt. 

“Good answer. Close your eyes.” Jack commanded. There was no room for disobedience. Alonso did as Alonso always did. He obeyed his captain. He heard the side drawer open and items shuffled around. Alonso bit back a guttural groan. The toy drawer. He was definitely in trouble. Either that or he was incredibly lucky and Jack had a very pleasurable experience in store for him, but Alonso was wise enough to very seriously doubt that possibility. 

He felt ropes against his skin and knew what would be coming next. Jack lifted Alonso’s left arm high above his head and secured it to the headboard. 

“Uh, Jack…” was all Alonso had time to say.

“You said you trusted me. So prove it.” Jack’s tone was more business than pleasure. Alonso thought it best to keep quiet for the moment. As he’d expected, his right hand was next, stretched to the headboard and secured there. He didn’t expect the blindfold he felt descend on his head a few moments later. Then the bed shifted under him and he felt the air around him grow colder. Jack had left the bed. Listening intently, Alonso could hear Jack walk around the bedroom, so he was still there, but Alonso grew more and more apprehensive the longer he was left alone on the large bed. 

“Jack… are you there?” Alonso ventured to ask.

“I’m here.” The coldness in his tone left Alonso in no doubt as to where this was heading. The butterflies in his stomach instantly turned to lead weights and Alonso began to be just a little afraid. 

“I think it’s time we had a little chat, don’t you, Alonso?”

“You thought it necessary for me to be tied and blindfolded for this heart to heart to happen? Jack, what’s going on in your head? I don’t think I like where you’re taking this.” Alonso allowed some of the fear to lace his words, though whether he allowed it or couldn’t really prevent it, Alonso himself wasn’t even sure. 

“You don’t get a say right now. All you get to do is answer questions. Let’s start really simple, shall we? Who are you?”

“Alonso Frame, Midshipman on the day cruise vessels to Zenia. From a planet about 10 solar systems from here, we’ve been there together. You met my friends there. We even stayed there for a few weeks.”

“Wrong answer. Who are you?” Jack dragged his finger from the arch of Alonso’s left foot, slowly making his way up his leg. 

“Jack, I’ve told you. It’s the truth. I’m Alonso Frame. God, don’t stop there!”

“See, I’ve got a problem with that answer. I think you’ve been lying to me. If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s lies. But I think you know that.” As he spoke, Jack repeated his single finger touch up Alonso’s legs, first the left, then the right, each time stopping just at the juncture between leg and groin. “Now, my brain has been telling me for months that something was off with you. You knew my body way too well. You knew how I liked my tea. You knew things about me that you shouldn’t know. You don’t object when I call you by a dead man’s name in bed. There were clues and there were little things. A lot of little things, so little that individually they meant nothing. But last week you called me Jackie. In bed. The only one to do that was Angelo. You’re scared of heights and you have a very particular way of holding onto me. I have no objections to any of those things, but Alonso. I need to know what you’re hiding. How do you have all this information on me? No, not on me. On my past lovers. And why are you torturing me with it?”

“God, Jack, please…” Alonso was distracted by Jack’s gentle butterfly touches. 

“Just answer me, Alonso. Who are you? You know how good I can make you feel. Just tell me what I want to know. Tell me who you are.” Jack’s breath huffed out with every word, every syllable, against Alonso’s now leaking, twitching cock. 

“I’m him. I’m me. I’m all of them. Please, Jack. Please, just touch me!”

“Touch you where? Here? Like this?” And with that Jack swallowed him down, using hands, lips, tongue and even voice to bring his lover off in minutes.

Alonso screamed as he came, “God, Jackie! Yes!”

Minutes later, as his heartbeat returned to normal and his breathing steadied, his desperate answers came back to him. “Oh. My. God.”

Opening his eyes, he expected to still be blindfolded, but Jack had removed it while Alonso was still coming back to himself. He blinked a few times to focus his vision, and wasn’t surprised to feel he was still tied to the bed, though the rope had enough yield that he could sit up. Doing so, he thought perhaps it would’ve been better if he’d stayed laying down. At the opposite end of the bed sat Jack, legs folded, still wearing his trousers. 

“Rather talkative when you’re desperate, aren’t you. You’d make a rubbish Time Agent, Ianto.”

“Alonso.” He corrected Jack. 

“Ianto. Matthew. Angelo. Alonso.”

Crap. 

Alonso rather thought he had some explaining to do. 

“You’re right. You do.”

“Either I spoke out loud or after all this time, I’ve never realised you’re telepathic.” Alonso tried to change the subject. Misdirection might work, perhaps?

“Not necessary in this instance. Like I said, you’d make a terrible time agent. Your face says everything your mind is thinking. Unless you wear the Ianto-mask. For the record, I hated that mask.” Jack’s voice was still giving no indication of his own thoughts. 

“I suppose you wouldn’t believe me if I said I had no idea what you were talking about?” Alonso tried.

Jack snorted. Apparently that suggestion wouldn’t even be dignified with a verbal response. Alonso sighed. 

“See, it’s rather complicated,” Alonso began, trying to stall for time.

“I’ll try to keep up.” Jack still gave nothing away. The infuriating man was unreadable when he chose to be. 

Alonso closed his eyes as he began his explanation. He knew he had to tell Jack everything, but he didn’t have to watch Jack’s face as he did so. “If I tell you that I regenerate with conditions, you’re going to immediately try to call me Doctor, or ask if I’m another Time Lord. And I never wanted to have to tell you that I’m not him. I never wanted to see that look of disappointment on your face.”

“Ianto. Alonso. Whatever.” Alonso could hear the frustration in Jack’s voice. “Look at me. Look at my face.” 

He didn’t want to. He desperately didn’t want to open his eyes and see that disappointment in Jack’s face. Alonso wasn’t Jack’s Doctor and he'd never felt so inadequate as in that moment. 

“Please. Alonso. Open your eyes.” Jack’s voice was so much closer. His lips suddenly were ghosting against Alonso’s. Alonso opened his eyes slowly, still reluctant, but knowing Jack would insist.

Alonso looked deep into his eyes. There was no disappointment. There was confusion, yes, but the confusion was tempered with a hesitant excitement, the barest glimmer of hope. 

“Tell me your story. I need to hear it. I need to know.” There was desperation in Jack’s voice now. A pleading desperation for Alonso to kindle the hope with his story.”  
Alonso dared to hope himself that perhaps Jack would take this news well. Just maybe he would be pleased. 

“I don’t know everything, but I’ll tell you what I do know. Maybe you wouldn’t mind untying me, first?” Alonso desperately wanted to hold onto Jack as he told his story, whether to give him courage or to prevent Jack running away part way through, Alonso himself didn’t know. He knew he needed the comfort of touch.

Jack wordlessly untied Alonso’s hands and, sensing his need for contact, settled him against his chest as Jack leaned against the headboard of the bed. Jack’s fingers trailed lazily through Alonso’s hair.

“I don’t know where I came from. My first real memory is being a grown man. My name was Matthew. I just wasn’t, and then I was. It would’ve been a few days before you arrived on Earth, from what I’ve been able to ascertain. Based on my research and the bits and pieces you've told me so far, it sounds like I began not long after you came back to life on the Space Station. I came to awareness with a full set of facts, so I knew I had to get a job, I had to get a flat and I had to do certain things to function. I knew how to walk, how to talk, how to read. I suppose, based on people around me, I had slightly above average intelligence. Nothing out of the ordinary, but then you’d know. Matthew was the first me to fall in love with you, the first me that I remember. There’s no point rehashing the memories that you and I share, you lived them too. I remember death, I remember dying when that grenade went off in World War I, and I remember you holding me as I died. I remember you dying, too. We had a good time, though, right?”

“How is this possible?” Jack’s voice sounded breathy, barely there, barely daring to believe Alonso’s words.

“I have no idea. Like I said, I remember dying, but the next thing I know, I’m Angelo. I’m an adult, and I’ve got a whole new set of knowledge. I knew technology had advanced, I knew the history of the time that I’d missed. It was time for a second war. I thought at first my existences were tied to wars. I thought a lot of crazy things, like perhaps I was a government experiment and I just existed during war time. I thought perhaps I was escaped from an asylum and my memories weren't real. I remembered all my friends from my life as Matthew, and most importantly, I remembered you. 

"Whenever I thought of you there was this dull, empty ache in my chest. I thought with time, that ache would fade, and it did. But not until I saw you again. I started to think I’d hallucinated you the first few times I saw you. I didn’t think you even noticed me the first few times. You didn’t even look my way. I hated that I was just a grunt in your platoon, just a nobody. I knew what I felt for you, and I knew you didn’t know who I was. How could you know? I had a different face, a different name, even a different nationality. Somehow, though, whenever you were around the ache in my chest would fade just a little, and I could breathe more easily.

“I knew I had to be with you. I knew I had to get you to fall in love with me as Angelo. So I did whatever I could to get in your way, to be noticed by you. I even,” Alonso recollected with a chuckle, “added an extra swagger whenever I felt you looking at me.”

“I noticed you, but after Matthew, well, you, after… How do you talk about this? After Matthew died, I didn’t want to risk my heart again. I wanted you pretty badly the first time I laid eyes on you but what with the laws against homosexuality, my reluctance to fall for you or let you get too close… I tried to resist. I did. But then you started waving those hips when I was around and I couldn’t resist you. So I gave up fighting. I figured, just friends with benefits, right? It was just companionship.”

“You never could be that to me. Not even close.” Alonso's voice was barely a whisper, emotions riding close to the surface.

“What happened with Ianto? You went to London. Why’d you do that?”

“After Angelo died, and Ianto began, I found you again. I was 19 years old, practically a kid. But I knew so much. I found you, and you were hanging all over Alex at the time. It broke my heart. It didn’t matter how many times I told myself you didn’t know I was Angelo or Matthew. It didn’t matter that I had no claim on you because I’d been gone for over 50 years by that stage. I had no control over who I was or how long between each emergence. I saw you with him and I determined, this time I’d decide my own life, I’d decide my own fate. I was so desperate to love someone else, anyone else, and Lisa just seemed like as good a candidate as any. She stumbled into my life not long after I caught the eye of some recruiter for Torchwood. I was floating. I didn’t care, as long as I led my life away from you. You had so much power over me, you see. You had such power to break my heart and even though it was breaking my heart to be away from you, it hurt so much to see you with Alex, I couldn’t bear it. I wasn’t strong enough.”

“Ianto… Alonso, you’re the strongest man I know. I mean that.”

“Jackie, don’t say that. You don’t know the worst part of this whole fiasco.” Alonso’s hands were shaking. The next part of his story wasn’t going to be easy. It wasn’t pretty.

“Don’t look so frightened. I haven’t bolted yet. Just keep going.” Jack did his best to sound reassuring, stroking Alonso’s arm gently as he settled the man back against his chest and held on tightly. 

Taking a deep breath, Alonso continued his narrative. “I went to London, and we know how that ended. Lisa was so important to me, because she was my independence, my attempt at living a life away from you. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see you flirt with Gwen, with Suzie, with everyone you met? You weren’t mine and I was determined to have my life away from you and I went a little crazy trying. After the Cyberwoman, I gave up the fight. I stopped trying. The ache in my chest hadn’t eased the entire time I was with Lisa. It hadn’t eased when I was near you as long as Lisa was alive. As soon as you held me in your arms after you’d killed the Cyberwoman, the ache disappeared and it was such a relief, I felt almost guilty. It was like I was using you to ease my breathing again. But Jack, I swear, that’s not how it was. I loved you so much, even when I wanted to hate you.” Alonso took a steadying breath and Jack, sensing that Alonso had to keep going for his own sake, stayed silent. 

“We both remember, probably too vividly how Ianto died. I came to in a bar this time. Sitting in a midshipman uniform, full knowledge of air and space flight, knowing all of Matthew’s history, Angelo’s history and now Ianto’s history. I had no idea whether I’d just materialised or whether I’d been sitting there or anything like that. There was another bloke sitting right next to me, and he was mid-sentence when I became aware that he was talking to me, some stuff about the Titanic and Buckingham Palace. I realised suddenly, barely any time had passed at all. It must’ve only been a matter of months since Ianto had died. But this guy, he was talking as though I was a hero on this Titanic. I remembered the incident and I remembered reading a report about it all. Then this guy next to me says, I really didn’t think we’d make it out alive, Alonso. I really thought we were all goners. A toast to the Doctor, without him we’d be dead now.

“So I raised my glass as a toast to the Doctor. Your Doctor. The one I was pretty certain I hated because you loved him so much. He had your heart. It was so surreal. Here I am, toasting a guy I hated in my previous life, and I’ve just realised, I took over a body that had a life, had a history. Alonso Frame really did have those friends I took you to meet. I’m no better than a glorified body snatcher, Jack!”

Alonso’s body was wracked with great, heaving sobs as he bared his darkest secret to Jack. He felt Jack’s arms steady around him as his breathing slowed and his sobbing eased. He waited a few moments before having the courage to look into Jack’s eyes, expecting to see disgust. He certainly hadn’t been expecting Jack’s tear-streaked face to be looking back at him with compassion and something else, something deeper. 

“Jack, how can you bear to touch me?” Alonso whispered, afraid to break this spell.

“You didn’t choose this. You wouldn't. Not any of you. I know all of you so well. I don’t know what caused this to happen to you, but you didn’t choose it. It’s as much forced on you as my immortality was on me. I wouldn’t be surprised if the two were connected somehow. After all, you’re the only person… the only 3 people I’ve ever been able to pass my life force onto were Matthew, Angelo and you. I mean Ianto. I haven’t had any near-death experiences to rescue you from yet.” Jack chuckled lightly.

“Well, forgive me if I don’t go creating a near-death scenario just now. I don’t want you to wait 50 years to see me again. Or, another me. Or whoever I’ll become. Four iterations of this and you’d think I’d get used to how to refer to my lives.” Alonso rolled his eyes and in that moment it was so reminiscent of Ianto that Jack drew in a sharp breath. 

“How have I not noticed that before? You roll your eyes exactly like all the other three of you.”

Alonso rolled his eyes again and smirked. “You have no idea how hard it was to not use the same mannerisms as a previous me. I know I did a terrible job because every now and again you’d look at Angelo as though Matthew was haunting you through him, and the same with Ianto and even me.”

“That ‘Sir’ this morning was rather ill-timed on your part, Love.” Jack poked Alonso in the side. 

“Oh, I know, Sir. I don’t know what came over me.” Alonso deadpanned, an impeccable copy of Ianto’s intonation and accent. 

“Well, now you’re just doing it on purpose!” Jack tickled Alonso’s sides with reckless abandon, and they rollicked back and forth over the bed, laughing freely for the first time in what felt for both of them like decades. 

“Hey Alonso,” Jack began as they lay catching their breaths much, much later that day.

“Yeah, Jack?”

“Can you make me a cup of coffee, sweetheart? I’ve missed it so much!”


End file.
